The following is satirical.
CNN is excited to introduce their brand new show “Gaslight,” which promises to bring you an entirely different world of news than the world we’re actually living in.
According to program notes used to clean a toilet seat in an airport restroom, “Gaslight” will be shown Sundays through Saturdays from 12 AM to 11:59 PM and will feature an exciting new array of hosts who will be exactly the same hosts as before except called new.
On the first episode of “Gaslight,” new host Chris Cuomo will take an in-depth look at the peaceful protesters peacefully being peaceful in the midst of cities around the nation that just happen to be on fire for some reason.
Chris will explain why the peaceful protesters are absolutely right to peacefully drive their cars over the bodies of policemen and peacefully hammer the heads of unarmed women with two-by-fours while other peaceful protesters stand by peacefully laughing. After all, who doesn’t enjoy a good laugh?
Next on “Gaslight,” new host Anderson Cooper will bring on expert guest Looney McGabble, retired four-star general from the nation of Imaginaria.
General McGabble will explain how at any moment Donald Trump could unleash nuclear attacks against the peaceful protesters with assistance from flying saucers from the planet Gildar.
General McGabble says he has high level sources from Gildar in radio communication with him through the fillings in his molars and, while some citizens may think they’re under threat from violent looters and rioters, if they could hear the voices he hears, they’d know the real danger was Trump not the peaceful protester repeatedly backing over them with an SUV.
And of course new host Don Lemon will also be a part of “Gaslight.”
Lemon will deliver a very special half-hour of staring into the camera with damp, doe-like eyes and a very serious expression and then passionately mouthing non-sequiturs in an important-sounding voice.
The evening will end with Anchorwoman Shapely Nudnick who’ll probably be saying something or other while you stare at her sweater.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: Democrats Release New Plan To Further Destroy The Lives Of Black People