Democrat Senators Declared Stupidest Senators Of All Possible Senators [Satire]

The ongoing confirmation hearings of smoking hot judge Amy Coney Barrett are raising some very important constitutional questions. For instance: Exactly how stupid do you have to be to become a Democrat Senator?

The question arose after the cutie-pie and also judge endured somewhere between nine and eleventy-hundred hours of questioning until she could no longer tell the difference between the hearing and raising her seven children except that, in the hearing, the older children seemed to have left the room.

In what seemed to be a contest for stupidest Senator or a game show called “Be The Stupidest Senator,” or maybe a TV talent competition called “America’s Got Really Stupid Senators,” questions ranged in intelligence from “Will you recuse yourself from any case in which you’re likely to give a ruling I don’t like?” to “Glaga bagoo goo daga magadag?” or something that made approximately the same amount of sense.

Vying for the title of Absolutely Stupidest Possible Senator was Stupid Senator Maizie Hirono. Hirono, you’ll remember, once told men to shut up so as not to interrupt her while she was viciously slandering Brett Kavanaugh. But today she appeared even stupider as she tried to declare Judge Barrett bigoted against gay people because she used the term “sexual preference” in describing people with sexual preferences.

Hirono also asked the gorgeous judge if she had ever sexually assaulted someone and Barrett said she had not, which was not strictly true, since technically she has, but only in my dreams.

But just as you thought no stupid senator could ever possibly be as stupid as that stupid senator, hold the phone, there was Corey Booker who asked the mother of two black children adopted from Haiti — and as God is my witness I am not making this up — here’s the actual quote: “You’ve already spoken to issues of racism, how you deplore it… but you condemn white supremacy, correct?”

To soften the blow of his stupidity, Senator Spartacus did ask the question while bare chested and wearing a leather gladiator skirt, but that was just his preference.

More satire from Andrew Klavan: Two Dead, Seven Injured As Barrett Confirmation Hearings Begin

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