Caught By Donald Trump, Covid-19 Pleads For Help [Satire]

The following is satirical.

In a message smuggled out of the White House, Covid-19 is begging to be rescued from the body of Donald Trump.

In the coded note addressed to the public, the disease said, “Help! This animal is killing me. It’s like what he did to Joe Biden in the last debate, only worse. I feel like the dog who caught the car except instead of a car it’s that train from the movie Snowpiercer that keeps catching fire while everyone inside runs riot. I was so much happier when Andrew Cuomo was sending me into nursing homes to kill helpless old people. This is all just a terrible mistake. Please get me out of here.”

Trump caught Covid-19 — or as it’s sometimes called The Chinese Flu, or the Wuflu, or the Kung Flu or the Flu Manchu, or the Egg Flu Young…

What was I saying? Oh yeah.

Trump caught Covid-19 after hunting it for six months through treacherous terrain, including press conferences and other putrid swamps crawling with reptilian predators.

Once he caught the poor virus, he began to torture it by running it through a body that had already crushed 58-thousand MacDonald’s French Fries, 232 Democrat congresspeople as well as other types of greasy toxins intent on destroying him.

As the virus pleaded for help, Trump tweeted: “Don’t be afraid of Covid!” a message received by reporters cowering under their cars where they had fallen after tripping over one another while running for their lives.

CNN’s Brian Stelter shrieked in a trembling high-pitched voice after throwing his skirt over his face, “How can we not be afraid of Covid? Haven’t you heard what we’ve been telling people all these months? If we weren’t afraid, it would look like we were a bunch of corrupt and dishonest hypocrites trying to spread terror in order to get people to give up their freedoms. And that would make me cry.”

Despite its pitiable pleas for help, Covid’s condition has apparently worsened after it was also caught by Kayleigh McEnany.

More satire from Andrew Klavan.

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