Medical Experts Now Believe Joe Biden’s Election Will Completely Cure Coronavirus [Satire]

The following is satirical.

A team of medical experts or possibly cranks has released a new report declaring that Joe Biden’s election as president will completely cure coronavirus.

The experts or cranks — it has now become impossible to tell the difference — said that until Biden is installed in the Oval Office, the flu will continue to spread like a raging wildfire, killing every single person in its path, including people statistics say will not be killed, and even including people who actually will not be killed but will be killed in news reports until Biden is elected.

The experts or cranks, known among their expert crank colleagues as Moe, Larry, Curly and Bill Kristol say that as soon as Biden wins, the painful panic and fear sweeping the nation will subside because outlandish news stories bearing false claims and causing over-reactions by tyrannical petty officials will suddenly disappear like magic.

The cranks or possibly experts say that not only will Biden’s election cure the disease, but it will also bring racial harmony to the streets of our cities, which have been so devastated by having Trump be the president while Democrat policies are destroying them.

Once Trump is out of office, say the expert cranks, spiraling crime rates, widespread homelessness and government corruption will suddenly vanish from Democrat cities — or at least from news reports about Democrat cities, which is the same thing.

Police brutality will only resurface if it becomes necessary to distract Americans from the fact that Joe Biden has been staring into a waste basket and calling for his mother for the last six days.

Clearly racial tension has been a problem ever since Barack Obama healed our nation’s wounds by twisting the knife of his failure in them, but with Joe Biden at long last in the government as opposed to wherever he’s been all these many decades, these problems will be completely solved.

Unless the experts are cranks, then this is just more of their leftist crap.

More satire from Andrew Klavan: After Reading Their Own Manifesto, Radical Anti-Americans Realize They’re Insane

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